🫂1. Questions to ask yourself

🫂2. Stay or GO

🫂3. Staying safe

🫂4. Planning your safe exit if you go

🫂5. Technology safety

🫂6. The first 24 hours after leaving

🫂7. Ongoing Risks regarding leaving

1. Questions to ask Yourself

First and foremost, know that you are not alone and that the abuse is not your fault.

If you are experiencing abuse, harassment, or harm from your partner, or think that you might be, help is available.

2. Stay or GO

The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be a daunting one. As well as fearing for your own safety – and perhaps the safety of your children – there can be several different emotional and practical considerations too.

Leaving urgently

If you’re in immediate danger and need to urgently escape from domestic abuse, you might want to leave quickly and move in with a friend or family member – or into crisis accommodation – where you can safely plan your next steps.

Taking your time

If you’re thinking of leaving but you’re not sure if you can do it – or if you’re frightened about what might happen if you try – making a safety plan and working towards small, achievable goals can make it all feel a bit less overwhelming. We are here for you however long it takes. We know it’s not always as simple as being treated badly so packing your bags and leaving. It’s complex. You have a history together. How will the kids cope? How will you afford it? It doesn’t have to happen all at once. Take your time. Educate yourself about different types of abuse. Arm yourself with the tools you need to keep going. Gather together important documents – including passports, birth certificates and bank details.And develop a network of support. Reconnect with people you’ve lost touch with. Pick up the phone and talk to people. They do still care.

You deserve happiness

Abusers are good at making you believe this life is all you deserve. That this is as good as it gets. That you’d be lost without them. They’re lying. You deserve happiness.

Now read that bit again:YOU. DESERVE. HAPPINESS.

The only person responsible for your abuse is your abuser. You didn’t cause this. You can’t control it. You cannot fix them. What you can do is leave them.

It doesn’t have to happen right now – or next week, next month, or even next year – but you can leave and you do deserve to be happy as much as anybody else. You are worth so much more. We’ll work with you towards a brighter and happier future that is free from fear.

Planning for Safety

If you think you might be experiencing abuse, harassment, or harm, it is important to make a plan to keep yourself and your children as safe as possible.

Here are some things to consider:

If you are currently experiencing domestic violence:

Plan how you could get out of the house quickly if your partner becomes violent.

Try to position yourself near a door where you can escape quickly.

Put together a suitcase and keep it at somewhere safe, easily accessible, and hidden from your partner.

Pack it with clothes for you and your children, medication refills and information, important papers, car keys, photographs, money, and emergency phone numbers.

Add anything else you might need if you have to leave suddenly (see list below).

Have the phone numbers for local shelters and resources saved in a secure place so that you can access them quickly.

Tell neighbors about the abuse and ask them to take action if they hear noises coming from your home, such as calling your house, stopping by, or calling a trusted third party, which could be a friend, family member, or, if it is safe to do so, the police.

Talk to your children about how they can keep themselves safe as well.

If you are thinking about leaving an abusive partner:

Identify things that have worked in the past to keep you safe.

Think about what has happened in the past and how the abuser has acted.

Identify clues that indicate when the abuser might become violent (e.g., behavioral: body language, drug/alcohol use, etc.; and event driven: paydays, holidays, etc.).

Identify what you will do if the violence starts again.

Is it safe to call the police?

Is there a phone in the house?

Can you work out a signal with the children or neighbors to get help?

Explore ways to have dangerous weapons (e.g., guns, hunting knives, etc.) removed from the house.

Plan an escape route and practice it.

Know where you can go and who you can call for help.

Keep a list of addresses and phone numbers where you can go in crisis and keep them in a safe place.

If possible, open a bank account or hide money to establish or increase independence.

The safe exit bag

Gather the following items (for yourself and your children) and hide them with a trusted individual or somewhere accessible outside the home:

Money/cab fare

Credit card/ATM card

Domestic violence/protection orders

Passport (yours and the children's)

Immigration documents (yours and childrens)

Work permit

Forms of identification - Passport, Driver’s license and registration

Medical records (yours and childrens)

Insurance policies

Evidence of violence/police interactions

Children’s school and immunization records

Lease/rental agreement

Birth certificates (yours and childrens)

Baby’s things (e.g., diapers, formula, medication)

Medications

Clothing

Eyeglasses

Family pictures

Address book

Important telephone numbers

Mobile phone and charger (seeCell Phone & Location Safety Strategieson TechSafety.orgfor important information about cell phone monitoring)

3. 3. Staying Safe

3. 4. Planning your safe exit if you go.

Create a Safety Plan:

If you are in or are planning to leave a violent relationship, a safety plan can be a very valuable resource. A safety plan will help you think through some of the steps you may decide to take to protect yourself and your children. You can receive support in creating a safety plan from

Your safety plan may include:

Know where you can get help.

Important contacts

Keep a list of important phone numbers (police, domestic violence hotline, hospital).

Plan with your children.

Identify a safe place for them (room with a lock, neighbor’s house). Let them know that their job is to stay safe; not to protect you.Arrange a signal with a neighbor for when you need help.

Prepare an emergency kit or "go bag" that you can get to quickly. (You may want to keep it at a trusted friend’s/neighbor’s house.)

Plan the safest time to get away.

Know how you will leave and which doors or windows you will use.

Leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so if you forget something, do not return to the home.

Your "go bag" - escape bag checklist

If you are going to leave a relationship, deciding what to take with you is an important step in creating a safety plan.

Safety planning is a way to think about and develop a plan of action for when things are unsafe.

Our safety planning checklist

You can create a list of things that you might want to take with you in an escape bag if you are planning on leaving a relationship. You can choose things that are important to you and include names of services and friends.

.

If you would like support with making a safety plan, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit their website

For online chat and video call services:

Available 24/7:Call, text or online chatMon-Fri, 9am-5pm AEST(except national public holidays):

Video call (no appointment needed)

How to use your checklist

Asking a friend or family member for support to create an escape bag checklist may be helpful.

Together you can follow these steps to create your own checklist, share it with other support people and plan what you need to take with you.

Additional Support Escaping a violent relationship is not easy. Support is available to help you.

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An extra set of car and house keys

Money, credit cards

Birth certificates and other ID for you and your children

Driver’s license or other photo identification

Medicare card

VIsa

Health insurance cards,

medications for you and your children

Deed or lease to your house or apartment

Any court papers or orders

Change of clothes for you and your children

Getting Support

If you are experiencing domestic violence, it is important to get connected with an advocate who can provide support, referrals, and provide you with available services.

Abusive partners are usually very good at isolating their partner from family and friends. As a result, victims may feel ashamed and alone and believe that no one would understand. Many survivors have described feeling as if they didn’t know who they were anymore. This makes it even more difficult to survive the abuse, to sort through feelings, and to make decisions that will be best for you and your children.

Local domestic violence programs offer a variety services to provide support to survivors of domestic violence. Check your local program, as services vary and may include emergency shelter, transitional housing, legal advocacy, childcare, counseling, support groups, and more. Support groups offer a safe place to talk about your feelings and experiences in an atmosphere free of judgment. It’s also an opportunity to meet and talk with other people who have had similar experiences.

After leaving:

⏹️Change the locks on doors and windows (if the abuser has a key or access to a key)

⏹️Make it easier for someone to locate your house by having a large visible street address outside the house

⏹️Obtain a P.O. Box and forward all your mail to it.

⏹️Ensure that utility companies will not give out your information to your abuser.

⏹️Determine the safest way to communicate with the abuser if they must have contact.

⏹️If you agree to meet, always do it in a public place (this may be a place with a security guard or police officer), and it’s best to bring someone else.

⏹️Make sure you are not followed home.

⏹️If your partner follows you in the car, drive to a hospital or fire station and keep honking the horn.

Create a safety plan for leaving work. '

⏹️Talk with your supervisor and building security at work and provide a picture of the abuser, if possible.

⏹️If you have an Order of Protection, give the security guard or receptionist a copy.

Creating a safety plan with the children and their carers

⏹️Teach your children a safety plan, including calling family, friends, or neighbors if they are taken, and where to go during an emergency.

⏹️If it is safe, teach your children to call 000. Otherwise, have the phone numbers of trusted individuals saved on a cell phone or in a safe place and teach children how to call them.

⏹️Talk to your children’s schools and childcare provider about who has permission to pick up the children and develop other special provisions to protect the children.

Evidence gathering

Keep a journal of harassing calls, texts or social media posts and times you may see your abuser around the work place or neighborhood. Save and/or print any threatening emails. Keep a journal of anything that happens between you, the abuser, and the children regarding visitation.

Technology safety (phone, laptops etc)

Technological advances have allowed intimate partner violence to take new forms, including access to private information, control over online accounts, and the use of electronic devices to track one’s whereabouts.

If you are seeking information about domestic violence and ways to get help, it is possible your partner can track this information.

It is vital to protect your online activities and understand the ways in which technology may compromise your safety.

Your online activity can be monitored through a number of ways, including spyware, hacking, and keystroke loggers. Even if you are careful about deleting your browser history, it is still possible for someone to gather information about what you are doing with your computer. Whether or not someone has direct access to your computer, it is still possible for them to remotely hack into your computer.

IMPORTANT:

If you think your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusive people are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer and Internet activities—anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor with programs like Spyware, keystroke loggers and hacking tools.

It is not possible to delete or clear all the “footprints” of your computer or online activities. If you are being monitored, it may be dangerous to change your computer behaviors such as suddenly deleting your entire Internet history if that is not your regular habit. If you think you may be monitored on your home computer, be careful how you use your computer since an abuser might become suspicious.

Use a safer computer to research an escape plan, look for new jobs or apartments, bus tickets, or ask for help.

Email and Instant/Text Messaging (IM) are not safe or confidential ways to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life. If possible, please call a hotline instead. If you use email or IM, please use a safer computer and an account your abuser does not know about.

Computers can store a lot of private information about what you look at via the Internet, the emails and instant messages you send, internet-based phone and IP-TTY calls you make, web-based purchases and banking, and many other activities. It might be safer to use a computer in a public library, at a trusted friend’s house, or an Internet Café.

If you are experiencing any kind of abuse, we encourage you to reach for support from a professional.

In many cases you will be required to provide evidence which can be extremely difficult.

However, there are some useful apps available to help you do this. In this article we have listed seven apps to document abuse as evidence.

Please do you research before deciding on the right one for you. Again, a professional in this field may be able to advise which is most suited to your circumstances.

RUSAFE

RUSafe is a free app for iOS and Android that evaluates the potential for violence and harm in a relationship. It is a key tool that empowers people to act before the situation gets out of control.

RUSafe’s questionnaire helps you identify danger signs and potential for violence in a relationship with an intimate partner, family member, or coworker. It is based on a danger assessment system that draws on the experiences of domestic abuse survivors.

You start by answering a series of questions about the relationship so you can identify risks and immediately contact law enforcement or local emergency shelters. The app also comes with a secure journal for recording experiences as they happen and your thoughts and feelings about these experiences.

All entries are date-stamped and accessible through a password-protected email address for your privacy. Share evidence with your trusted circle and support professionals, and access a directory of domestic abuse support services right from the app.

VICTIMS VOICE

Lack of evidence is one of the biggest hurdles for victims and survivors of domestic violence.

When recording evidence, the app makes sure that you include important details, like witnesses, doctor visits for injuries, and other incidents that can be used to bring additional charges against the abuser. All information stays in a secure place, and you have control over access.

Entries cannot be edited once recorded to meet legal standards. And even if the abuser checks your phone or destroys the device, the information is safely stored in the cloud. Victims Voice is available for iOS and Android and costs $40 per year. If you can’t afford the license, there is an option to connect with a donor who can sponsor you.

MENTAL NOTE

If you live with an abuser who has access to your phone and devices, downloading apps to document abuse can be a huge risk. You want to protect yourself and avoid escalating abusive behaviour at the same time. Mental Note is an app that looks perfectly harmless and can help survivors record experiences securely as they happen.

Mental Note is basically a digital notepad that lets you organise your thoughts. It’s not a safety app, but the digital note-taking tools let you document abuse you may be experiencing. You can add notes, photos, voice recordings, text, drawings, videos and handwriting on a single page. Password protection keeps your private notes away from prying eyes.

Sharing notes with support professionals is easy with the export feature. Export as text, picture or a PDF document and send via email or iCloud. You can also share notes with your friends on Twitter. Mental Note costs $.................and is available for iOS devices.

VOICENOTE

Another document abuse app that isn’t obvious. Like Mental Note, VoiceNote is not a safety app but a virtual pinboard for voice memos. When an abuser is watching your every move and you can’t type on a keyboard, the app lets you easily record conversations or dictate voice notes to use as evidence in court.

The user interface is simple and easy to navigate. Create a note in one tap and send it to friends, family and support groups via SMS, email, Facebook, and Twitter. Organise your notes by date so they are easy to find and save them to Dropbox or Google Drive.

One downside to VoiceNote is that you can’t upload photos or videos. The Android app is very basic, but gets the job done if all you need is voice-to-text documentation.

SMARTSAFE+

This is a discreet app that empowers survivors to document abuse safely. It’s like a digital diary that is password protected and saved to the cloud. You can record photos, videos and voice/text notes of abusive behaviour and use the evidence to get an intervention order.

SmartSafe+ is easy to use even if you’re not tech-savvy. With one tap, you can capture quick voice recordings, photos and videos, and create new entries. Don’t know what kind of evidence will stand up in court? The app provides guidance so you can curate your documentation.

The app is cleverly disguised, so it does not look like a family violence app. You can easily delete the app without losing recorded information if the abuser checks your device. SmartSafe+ was relaunched in 2019 as the ARC app, with new and improved functionalities. To download SmartSafe+, email: [email protected] or call the DVRCV at (03) 8346 5200.

ARC

This app is specifically designed for Australian women experiencing family violence. Many women are not aware that what they are experiencing may be illegal. ARC lets you take control of your experience with an abuser by recording patterns of abusive behaviour that make you feel scared or unsafe.

Take photos, videos, and audio of the experience and create diary entries to track abuse, when it happened, and how it made you feel. Information is encrypted for security and saved to the cloud to prevent tampering.

Documented evidence is a great way to provide reassurance to women that they did not imagine the abuse, especially when their partner denies the behaviour. Use evidence to explain the story to family, friends and support professionals, including law enforcement. Created by the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, the ARC app is free to download on iOS and Android devices.

DOCUSAFE

This makes it super easy to collect evidence of all forms of domestic abuse (from sexual assault to online harassment) and share it securely with your support group and with police and legal professionals. You can take quick screenshots, photos and videos of abusive behaviour, including social media posts, repeat calls, and online impersonation.

It’s easy to track the frequency and extent of the abuse when you have your evidence in a central location. Even if you choose not to take legal action against the abuser, DocuSAFE identifies the abuse and any escalation as it happens so you can protect yourself.

DocuSAFE is not designed to assess or prevent abuse. If you suspect that your abuser is monitoring your device, the app may present a safety risk. Still, DocuSafe remains one of our top free apps to document abuse due to its powerful evidence collecting features.

POSITIVE PATHWAYS

Positive Pathways is a clever safety app designed for women experiencing domestic and family violence. It is an emergency app that can potentially save lives, but it looks anything but … a big plus if you live with an abuser who has constant access to your phone’s content.

Behind the innocent wellness and positivity façade are powerful tools to collect evidence like a password-protected daily diary where you can record incidents to use in legal proceedings. There’s also an audio recording feature that lets you record five minutes of the crisis by tapping on the logo three times.

Be safe with automatic help messages (with GPS location) sent to your trusted friends/family members and a one-touch 000 call function for emergencies. And when you’re having a tough day, positive and inspirational quotes are there to encourage you and provide mental health support. Positive Pathways is completely free to use. Available for Android and iOS.

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